I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
