i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
this is an emotional support booty call
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
