I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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