We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
