This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
