last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So apparently I’m into choking now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
