yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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