I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
