I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
