Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
