You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
