I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
