went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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