you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
