Soap is not a condiment
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
