I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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