You really coming over, don't trick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
