i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
