WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My pussy is not your playground.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
