Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
