man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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