South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
