I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
