Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
