He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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