Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
