why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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