I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
