I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
