The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
