I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
