No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
