So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
