he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
