Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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