I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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