An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
