Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
