just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
