You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
