imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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