He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
