Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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