I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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