she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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