I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
