Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
