I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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