i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
