So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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