The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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